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We were created by Love (God), to be loved, then to love. There are many societal issues we are facing today because there are numerous people who do not know the depths of God’s love, they do not fully understand what love is, and they do not love themselves. We can only give away what we first possess.
I do deep inner healing with people. Many have experienced gross trauma, pain, feeling unloved, massive disappointments in relationships, abuse, abandonment, and they can not figure out why they were treated so poorly.
I will tell you it’s quite healing to understand sometimes the issue stems from a deficit on the other end. There is also the component of making sure our love tank is filled instead of expecting people to fill us up. God longs to love us to life and wholeness.
The person who hurt you, most likely had some internal struggles and lack of love that needed addressed.
Sometimes it’s the good intentions of people that leads to hurt and pain. They said, “I love you,” they meant to love you, yet they could not follow through on that love. Their words said love, their actions demonstrated otherwise.
God intended that we would be loved! God intended that we would experience His incredible love! God intended that we would be connected to people who would love us not just with their words, but with their actions.
So how do we deal with being mistreated and feeling unloved?
First stop...ask God to fill every void with His love. We may want people to love us, yet they can only give what they possess and understand. Sometimes people think they are loving us, and it’s not what we perceive as love.
Second forgive and release expectations. Our expectations can sometimes cause more pain than what really happened. We expected that person to be there for us. We expected that person to do what they said. We expected a certain kind of support. We expected there to be follow through. We expected...and we were disappointed. Release that person and the expectations. It’s not about saying what the person did was right. It’s about getting free!
There is no freedom in holding grudges. It is like carrying around a bookbag full of heavy rocks. It does not hurt the other person, it hurts us. They do their damage and roll on with their lives.
Third, get your soul healed. Invite God into the places wounded by that person. Invite God into those memories. Ask Him to reveal His truth, and any lies you may believe because of the incident. You may have come to believe that you are unlovable. You may have come to believe you are less than. Whatever the lie, renounce it! Come out of agreement!! Example, “I renounce the lie that I am not loved and come out of agreement with that lie. I am deeply loved!”
Sometimes we are trying to fit with people and groups that just don’t fit. This does not mean we are not loved. It means we are trying to fit in the wrong places and with the wrong people. If I have a 100 piece puzzle and try to put pieces where they don’t go, I will be disappointed! Only the pieces intended to fit will fit together.
Lastly, I will state it is imperative to pay attention to the actions of people. Their actions will tell you how they feel about you. The same goes for us. How are we treating others and ourselves. No matter what we say or others say, actions paint a picture. Look at the picture. Pay attention. Do you want a house full of those paintings? If not, set appropriate boundaries. We are not mandated to be best friends with everyone, date or marry everyone, nor be partnered with everyone. If our own actions are unloving, we can take responsibility and shift to more loving ways.
I went through a phase where I felt I needed to befriend everyone, no one gets left out. I found quickly that many of those people were painting pictures of toxicity. They brought drama, trauma, and unecessary headache. I love everyone. I do not give everyone VIP access to my life. I set boundaries. I watch how people treat me and others. If they are harmful, no matter how much they say I love you, I see they do not grasp what love is. Therefore, my boundaries with them are set to help them understand I do not tolerate disrespect.
Love is more than a word, it’s a verb that manifests itself through actions. Live loved today!
Love,
Erin Lamb